I don't know why but in the past few weeks,I have been thinking to change the path that I chose a few months back.I feel like turning back,undo everything and choose the other one instead.I feel like I should have said NO from the beginning.Is it too late now?Well,it is definately better be late than never.I know I should never regret but there is a mix up feeling in my heart.The worst part of all is that I m so damn freaking tired of everything.I m tired of crying over n over again,I m tired of wiping up my tears everytime each of it fell right from these eyes,I m tired lying to myself by telling that 'I can do it.It is just that I have to try harder or maybe I should be more patient,everything gonna be okay soon enough.' I m sick of it,from a to z.I m sick of pretending becoming someone I not.Every day,I play out my 'role' very well. I able to control my tears from dropping,I don't tell others the actual feelings of mine at this particular momment or how misrable my life is right now or even why my world is tearing apart. I always keep my mouth shut although there are times when I feel so down about it.I smile,laugh out loud with others,enjoying every single momment with them but those are only from the out side.Deep down in my heart,there are many stories,nightmares,dreams that I keep.
I am starting to feel doubt about deciding to stay instead of leaving.It is because of the existence of the 'foreign' element that come out from no where and it is actually all of sudden.I know I should stay,being loyal to my choice,being faithful to the path that I chose but this 'foreign' element is the only thing that make me to rethink about my decision.I don't even know why and I am still looking up for the answers.It is not like I didn't set up my mind to really stick to my path from the strat.This 'foreign' element is crawling slowly to enter my life with out me realising it.I mean it does exist in my life before but this time it really has become closer to me;closer and deeper as it should not be. It has reached to a point where I have to rethink back about my previous decision.I am trying to put a bigger boundries between me and 'it'.I m trying my best to run from it but the more I tried,the worse it is.It is weird to think about how drastic it can be.It starts with a little thing that is so normal but it ends up with a bizzare feeling inside.
My confound feelings are hunting me and forcing me to decide soon enough.Now,I m in delimma whether should I just face the 'foreign' element directly or not.I could not decide whether should I split it out or not and I am running out of time.To be worse,I actuall face this 'foreign' element every single day life of mine.I see 'it' right in front of my eyes every day yet I could not decide.I am fear of making the high-risk-upcoming-decision of mine.I know I should not be daunted by such things and must always keep my head up but I am freaking out to decide what's next in this paricular matter.Who wouldn't be?Problems are always my number one enemy that I m fear of but I know I have to face it somehow and if only I can look up for it now.
PS:I think by having too many probelms can lead me to become unsoundmind and the truth is I am already half way there.
The doubt of choice.
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