A letter that is only for u...

I saw people doing this;writing letter to future patner and I think it is kinda fun so I give a try on this.

  Dear my future husband,

  At this momment,we may have met each other or not yet?we may have knew each other but not well enough or maybe we are close yet so far way.Who knows?I just wanna u to know that I m writing this especially for you.Maybe it is too early because base on my future plan,marriage is something that I wanna to do by the time I m exactly 30(minimum age).Why 30?Because I wanna be really stable physically, emotionally  and financially.I wanna give the best to u and the upcoming family.I mean it.I dont want my family to feel or experience poverty like I had been through before.I wanna provide the best education for the kids.I wanna the kids to be smart,brilliant but not too much of NERDY.I wanna help u out in ur carrier in a way.Maybe,if u r into bussines,I can help u out financially.
  I wanna both of us to go to work together in our BMW car.We are going to hire a driver but not for us but for the kids.So that we don't have to rush to fetch up the children to and from school.We are so going to need a cook because I m very bad at cooking.Everyday I wanna u to drive me to work and right before I get my ass out of the car,U will tell me whether we are going to have lunch togehter or not.If I have important meeting or handling big cases,I wanna to listen to ur big ideas and wish me luck.I will not be too much on work,I promise!To me,work is important but not as important as family.
  I wanna us to live in a house that at least has mini library in it and a swimming pool.I hate reading but I wanna set a good example for the children,I can always try to be one...I want them to be a book worm while u can use it as your home-office.The swimmnig pool?I m a bad swimmer but it's never too late to learn something new in life.I m going to make sure that the kids going to be good at swimming and playing music instrument as it may help them in a way.We are so going to travel from one place to another.But,once in a blue moon,we are going to have our honey moons where it is going to be only two of us.Did I mention I wanna 3 kids?I have figured out the names..=)
  Everyday,we are going to wake up in each other arms,feeling so grateful to God for the bless and thakful for having each other for the rest of the life.There shall be no regret at all even if our marriage is not as beautiful as it supposed to be at that time.Whatever it is,we are going to overcome it together.Everyday,I m going to warm up our love in many ways.I am going to express our love in many languages non-stop.I will always try to be very romantic as much as I can;In fact,I m having so many ideas regarding it now.I m going to learn guitar,boost up my writing poem skills,learn the three powerful words in different languages,read more and more to get tips on how to be romantic.The part of life that u choose to spend it on me will always full of suprise.There will always something new that we are going to try out every day.Just sit back,enjoy the up n down of life with me by ur side,holding ur hand always and know that u will always be in my heart.

PS:I kinda support polygamy in a way but not fully.Others have problem on that?I don't give a damn about    it.=P

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LEFT AND RIGHT...

    Things change as time passes by with out we realising it.Sometimes,we wonder why is that things happen in a very offensive way?Why is that by the time we realise our mistake,it has been too late to undo it for most of us?Why is that we do not beware of the upcoming problem in the first place?Why is that the decision that we made earlier is turning to be a disaster?
  Well,firstly problems are just so meant to be in our life.With out it,our lifes will be so dull,unattaractive and not so advanterous after all.Some how,we do need it.Due to it,we will become stronger,more mature and more careful when it comes to every single matter in our lifes.For some,they can change to be some one new.Whether one self changes to be a better person or worse is depending on the way they look at it,the way they look at thier problems and the way they solve it.In the blink of an eye,we can turn to be some one who we do not even know.
  The momment it comes up in life,we will be start cursing it but then,by the time we manage to overcome it,we will be smiling to ourselves.We will be proud of ourselves,we will feel so refersh.What a relief!!!Label it all u want;problems,obsatcles,the headaches,the mystery,the questions and the puzzles in our lifes.We will never ever able to run from it.Just try to run from it once,u will realise that u will have to face it in the end.It does take time;for some,it might take a long time but patient is one of the ways to get out of it.In fact,it is the only way for certain cases.Yes,we do feel so sick about it sometimes but once again it is just meant to 'lighten' up life.Never surrender,give up and lose hopes in life easily.Taking all the time we need is also the key to get rid of it.
  Life is a cycle.We can be at the top ,we can be at the bottom in just few seconds.Sure thing that it is very easy to be said,very hard to be done and no one knows the exact feeling,the suffering and the experience of one self because not every one has the same problem;Maybe in the same topic but not in the same situations.Everyone is fated to have their own problem.Each of us envy each other when it comes to certain matter,we will never be grateful;that is just human being.It is always greener on the other side isn't it?So,when u look at one person whom u envy much,whom u salute,whom u feel as if it is better to be her or him,think again.Everyone has their own weakness and strength and God is always testing our faith in a lot of different ways.Never look at a thing from a single angle only instead look at it from many.I end up my post this time with poem entitled 'Left and Right'.This is actually the poem that I had put up in my power point project,the one that I wanted to put up over here but did not manage to do so..=)

When ever there is up, then there will be down…

When ever there is excitement, then there will be sorrow …

When ever there is trust, then there will be lies…

When ever there is triumph, then there will be disaster…

When ever there is love, then there will be heart break…

When ever there is positive, then there will be negative…

That is the true fact about life no matter how much we try to deny it…

It is just so unpredictable so be prepare…

As MAN proposes, God disposes…

Therefore, treat left and right equally always…

 

PS:I think that this is the first positive post in my blog.Hope there will be more :-/

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 Tell me is it a crime to be a faithful lover?Is it illegal at any place?Well,if it is then there will be no more 'Romeo' and 'Juliet' in the world.Why is that there are two type of lovers?the one who always put their hopes on that particular person ONLY and the one who is so not loyal,the one who thinks that being loyal to the one person is a part of embarrassing things to do,the one who thinks that the other type is an idiot for being a faithful lover.Honestly,is it a mistake to be one?Oh,come on.Love is blind,universal,complicated and unpredicrable.
  U can have it all of sudden and u can loose it in the blink of an eye.When u have it,u feel as if u are such a lucky person to have it,u just keep on smiling when it comes to Mr/Mrs Right Now,everything about him/her is just so perfect and when u look yourself in the mirror,u feel as if it is a dream.Perhaps the sweetest dream of yours?Then,u just can loose it the next time u look at it.Your world is tearing apart,your heart is shattering,tears non-stop,sadness,depress,disapointment are just everywhere.It is so mystery when it comes love.It is the sweetest dream yet the worst nightmare for one.
   I am sick waiting for the person pateinetly.I don't put the blame on anyone else for this.It is my fault for being a faithful lover after all.No offence,but if u think deeply,would u want a patner who is a  palyer?who text other persons when they with u?who ignore u when u call them just to show how much u care about them?I believe what goes around come around.What u did in the past may affect your future.Always treat the one who is always around u nicely.Never ever take them for granted..It is just the matter of time now.

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MAD & SICK.

  A few seconds,hours,days,weeks and a month back,I was so pissed with myself .Not just that,I am totally damaged by my own self, my own actions, my own choice.Things that I souldn't be done or even think about it,my unwanted nightmare,my painful history are now my best friends.REPEAT:My worst enemy ever is now my best freind.
   I cried non-stop,thinking about the mistakes,the regret,the 'heart-attack',the uncounatble tears,the unsolved puzzle,the unanswered questions when this particular part of my life RETURNS.Honestly,I really don't know the mistakes that I shouldn't be done in this path.I mean I can see it but it is unclear,uncertain.I am still confuse and looking for the missing piece.No one how much have I suffer because of this mistake except for Him.I m half mad,insane,depressed and stress at the moment.
  Everyday,I put up my fake smile,the have-to-laugh face,act as if everything is fine but the truth?I m dying inside alone,crying painfully and hoping for the impossibles.I don't even know to whom I should share my feeling,my tears,my madness.So,I decided to see a psychiatrist soon enough.Yes,I m officially SICK.
  PS:I m thinking about leraning guitar.Why?I want to be a romantic person and maybe turn up my poems to songs.

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My own...All copy rights reserved..=)))

I m sorry for everything

from the start to the end 

because of the incident

This time we really begin to become far apart

This time it is so different

This time both of us are really full of hatred

***

U can put the blame on me

Because all this happened due to my attitudes

It is totally my fault for being a very SECRETIVE person

I m a girl who is full of negative thinking when it comes to myself too

But then it is just me

Me being myself and no one else

It dosen't mean I will not change or willing to

I will if I have to for you...

***

I may not be a smart,beautiful,cute,funny girl

I may not be that kind of girl that u keep on aiming for

I may not be the one who u will think about always

But one thing for sure is that

I have put zillions of hopes on us

I have try my very best

I have put a lot of effort

Is it going to be a mistake?

Nah,it doesn't really matter now...

***

U may still pissed off with me

And there is nothing I can do to change it

I can only give u time and spaces as u needed

to think,to make,to choose

What ever it is always look at things from diff perspectives

Never look it just from one corner

***

I m again sorry for everything

Regret and guilty are my middle name atm,

Sorry really seems to be the hardest word,huh

But this is the only thing that I can do now

And I know u r so sick of my 'SORRY'

But then again there is nothing else I can do

SORRY,SORRY &SORRY

I m trying to improve to be a better person

I m not giving up

I will never do so

Because I always have a solid reason

to keep holding on,to keep breathing,to keep leaving

Which is you,My boy

***

With Love,

Farah Ash

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I WILL WAIT FOR YOU....

  For sure,the first thing that come across your mind when u read this post's tittle is ELLIOTT YAMIN-WAIT FOR YOU.Yah sure it is kinda old school yet it has a very solid meaning behind those lyrics..Every single word of it means a lot to me.My boy,I will wait for you patiently no matter what.I have to for our own sake.If time and spaces are the two things that u really need right now,I will wait then.I believe that if U are really meant for me then u will be mine in the end and it doesn't matter what happen in the beginning or after it.Now,I  feel so lonely,no more calling u in the middle of the night,no more waiting for your text during the day,no more busy looking for a top up.This is so tough for me.It is hard to control myself from not to keep in touch with you at all till the day has come.But then again,I have to.I will wait for you.

  I m sorry because of the incident.Some how,it is my fault after all.But at least the truth has reavealed now instead of living with lies,drama and sadness.I never knew that I was being sellfish,I never realised it at all when it comes to you.The worst part is that I never asked about your wishes and dreams.I didn't see all these till the incident happened.If only I know all these early,I would change it.I didn't know that u r actually suffering slowly due to my attitude.U see I m very secretive especially when it comes to my privacy life.I don't like others being busy with my personal life.My friends?I m kinda anti-social actually.I only close to them during school hours or in class.I m not close with them at all when it comes to out side world.So,I don't tell them anything about my privacy life.Believe me,they don't know me well.I don't know them well too.On the other hand,u r a little bit different from me when it comes to these matters.U always spend time with friends,hang out,fooling around,watching movies together. I do know that I don't have a LIFE unlike u but I m still trying to mix around with others right now.I know that u r very close with them yet I didn't see 'it'. 

   Another bad attitude of mine is actually having a very low self confidence.It is not like I don't want to meet and know your freinds,it is just that I have this poor attitude.It scares me to the max to think about ur friends' opinions about us.I m scared to meet around with them because I think u will be embrassing to have me by your side.Every day,I wake up from bed and look myself in the mirror.I ask myself  'Why is it that I m such a fucking ugly creature?Why is it that I m such a shorty?Why is it that I m hunch?Why is that I have one eye brow,unsharp nose,ugly teeth and a very thin lips?Why is that I m such a jack ass?Why is that I m such a stupid student?Why is that I m very lazy?' Sometimes,I cry in the middle of night before go to bed to know that I have u who is way different from me in a lot of matters or fields.The thing that I keep questioning myself the most is 'Do I really deserve u whom is so perfect for me to have u?I think u should look for others,deserve some one who is way better than me.'Everyday,I try to look for the answers of my questions.I try to look at myself at a more positive side but I just don't have the ability to do so.I want u to know that to me u r way better than me,more hardworking and u have a LIFE even though I always nagging about u not being a sweet talker,romantic and stuffs.But deep down in my heart,I feel like u r such a perfecto person.

    These attitudes are just so me.It describes me perfectly.What ever it is,I will wait for you.I m so sorry because I ain't good enough for you and I hope I will,one day.This long wait is killing me.Every day,my life goes on and I feel so empty with out you in my life.Please make the right choice and just so u know till now I still love u so much.I still care about you and I hope that u know u r very important in my life.I guess I really don't appriciate U that much till I have reach to a point where I m going to loose you?     

With love,

Farah Ash

                           

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Random & shortest post so far...

  I am so thakful I m still alive right now,still inhaling the oxygen,still have the abilities to know what is right or wrong,still on the right track;I hope so.I m so thakful that u walked unto my life before though I feel a little bit regret about it.Why?It is because u walked into mine,gave me hope,gave the lesson of my life...Now,I truly  believe that there is no one else in this world who is so kind,faithful and sincere like u.. I feel like as if I m the stupidest girl for letting u go.I was a fool to let u go.But I am just another human being and can only proposes as God disposes. Believe me,ur girl is a very lucky one to have u.I am so jealous yet happy for u.I m jealous to see ur pics with her,to see the happiness between both of u...But then again,I m still happy for u.Loving some one doesn't mean u have to make sure that the one has to be yours always,sometimes it means u have to let the one's hands go so that the one will have the chance to look for a happy ending in his life instead of just having him by your side the whole time yet he feels suffer.Love needs a lot of sacrifices and it is so not about whether the sacrifices that being made are worth or not.It is about the joyness that u see in ur love one once he is no more yours.Though it is hurt to know that ur love one have moved on with out u in his life,u still have to be happy for him no matter how hard it is.I really can see the happiness clearly in your eyes,I can see clearly that u have a very happy life with out me,I can see clearly that I totally have lost you...
   I have to admit that it is one of the toughest moments in my life to look for ur replacer,the new boy,my one n only. Honestly,I feel so hurt right now. There are so many things in my mind right now and every single of it is making me crazy..I try my best to move on but why is it that it is so damn freaking hard for me to do so.U can do it easily but why can't I??? Is it God's punishement towards me for being a bad person,evil through out my whole life??Am i really such a bitch till God gave the thoughest challenge in my life???I m writing this at 3,4 o'clock in the morning instead of studying;my final is actually next week and I haven't prepare myself at all..DAMN!!! I just really have to express my emotions right now...I don't have the ability to control it anymore.My tears keep on rolling from these eyes since the first word that I typed in this post.It is just unstopable.
  All the sweet songs keep on playing in my head and they remind me of us.I want to hate u with all my heart but I failed to do so...=( I m just hurt so much right now,I really need a cure..I don't want to keep on being hurt because it is sooo,sooo sooo painful.I don't even know wheteher I can take it anymore..God,Please give me the strength to move on with this pathethic life of mine.No matter what,I want to die as a mukmin and not just another muslim...For now,I just don't get it and hopefully I will one day. I m so mad at myself,hating my self right now for everything.I mean everything..Because all of these wouldn't happen if only I decided not to do certain things back then.This is the most random post so far..VERY RANDOM and shortest too...

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Just started.........

  A new phrase in my life has just started...I m happy but still a bit confuse with it.I m so glad because I am given this great opportunity to finally do something that I love,to do something that is set on my mind a long time ago and to decide my own future instead of letting others to  decide it...I m confuse right now because I am still doubt about it;whether this path is the right path for me,whether I will regret it or will satisfy with it in the future.I m taking the one of the biggest risk of my life...
  The worst part of this choice is that I have lost my inspiration..The one who used to inspire me to be a lawyer.I m trying my best to full fill  'our' dream over here but u are just fooling around over there.As if,I m walking along this path with no signs,no light or no one that could lead me to keep on moving..Right now,I just have to go with the flow and hoping that some one,some day will come to the rescue.I will just try my best to keep holding on to this dream of mine.I m so lost with out my inspiration.I m just scared that this risk will be the biggest mistake ever in my life;besides not having u in my life anymore...However,I have to go on with my life with or with out u.
  I m starting to like everything over here except for the weather.It is extremely hot over here due to the the pollution of course..My class schedule is just fine.I love the fact that I m actually exploring the outside world by myself now...I have to look for myself now,no one to guide me or to protect me...Its all up to me now...I m learning how to become a very independent girl now...Why I love it???There is no specific reason..just love my life right now though there are still some things that I m not satisfied with it...
  Sorry because I haven't post anything on my blog for a very long time,I was too busy with my life back then...PFTTT.....I m just so confused right now....I m taking about my feeling....I have just opened the door of my heart to him but why is it that I still feel uneasy,unsatisfied,unhappy with it...This door of my heart has not been entered by anyone for ages now except for him of course...N I have decided to move on now,no more waiting for u;hoping that u will come back through my door,hoping for phone calls from u everyday,hoping to meet u again n do all the stuffs that we used to do...Because I m so tired of hoping n waiting for something that is so UNCERTAIN...Please don't ever giving up in our relationship,don't break my heart just like what he did to me n please don't ever hurt me.It is so painful....=( I do put millions of hope in our relationship but not too much because the truth is I m still scared that I will have to get through the very horrible part life of mine AGAIN....I don't want it,never ever.YES,I STILL HAVING PHOBIA when it comes to a relationship but it doesn't mean I have gave up in looking for my prince charm...My life regarding us has just started and I promise to u that U will never regret this because I will make u feel damn happy that will be endless...And it is all the matter of time so wait patiently....
   Back to my studies;My assingments are many,I m telling u the truth..hahahaha..I have done most of my assignments but I haven't start a single thing on my revision yet..YES,YES,YES,,I M SUCH A LAZY ASS....I prefer doing assignments than doing revision and I don't know why but it is just me...hahaha..So I wanted to share an assignmnet of mine but then,when I tried to put it up,I failed..technology and I will never be best friends...LOL....Luckily,I have computer class so that I won't be this dumb anymore...
   So yah,have a nice day and enjoy every single moment of life....N sorry for this lame short post.I just felt like updating my blog as soon as possible since it has been a long time I haven't post anything and my blog looks so dull..And I feel like sharing my new phrase of life,a new chapter....I will upgrade my blog in a week;my one week holiday will start in a week....And I guarantee that the next few posts will be very emotional...haha..

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Sorry,I ain't good enough for u.

  After years have passed,I never thought that I will been through this again...When I heard the quote 'Time heals all wounds',the first thing that come across in my mind is actually,"PFFTTT..What a lie.."But things have changed.I didn't notice it till now.My 'wounds' slowly heals by itself.Now,what's left???A scar.I m just scared right now;if the risk I m taking now would also leave another scar soon.
  I m scared,happy,sad and bad at the same time.All these feelings are mixing up together.I m happy to know that I have u by my side.As if I m dreaming right now.Actually,I m astonish too..I mean u????hahahaha..It is funny actually when I think back about our first met n stuffs....Who knows we will end up like this right?
  I m feeling so lucky now but I feel bad too...Some how I think and feel that I don't deserve u..I feel like u should fall for another not me..I mean it is kinda make u unlucky to have me..I m just another hideous ugly idiot creature..I think that I m not good enough for u in everything...I just don't know why...After having the phobia for years,u came in my life...Along with a new hope and beginning...I thank God for it but still I think I m not good enough for u.I never felt something like this before.I know that u have been telling me for million times to stop thinking that way.But I just can't.I m so sorry..
    I m so sorry because I ain't good enough for u.I m also thanking u for being such an understanding person.I m thanking u too for waiting.U  r such a good listener...I never tell anyone about my past except to my closest friend.So far,u r the only one who knows my dark past with details.I usually don't trust anyone easily but when it comes to u,there is always an exception.I really hope that u r the right one for me though I m not perfect enough for u...I m so sorry because I m not good enough for u in every aspects... *sighs...
  How could a person like u like me????have a crush on me???? I m hating myself right now...If u find some one better outside there,I wont be shocked or mad.Believe me.I will pray for your happiness always.I m not being emotional like u claim..I m just telling u how I feel right now...LOL.
  The truth is I m just another typical girl who wants happy ending so badly.But life isn't a fairytale.Whatever happens after this,I will accept it with an open heart no matter how tough it is.Right now,I have to get my head into studies.How about u?Time will decide everything.Time will decide where will we be or who will we be with with the help of our effort of course just a little faith and luck.Make sure u achieve your dream whether with me by your side as a friend,or more or just another stranger in your life..

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Changes as time passes by..........

   People can change as time passes by...It is really up to an  individual  to admit it or not...Some of us change to be a better person and some to be worse....When I was a bit younger,I always told myself that I will be going to overseas for working or to continue my study...But,I guess not anymore.I mean I still want to do it  but  not as much as I wanted before...
   WHY???Let just say I learnt it from the surroundings....When I knew I blew up my chance,I felt so misrable..I felt like my world is going to END.....Then,I realised that we can't always get everything that we want in our life....It doesn't mean that I have to give up for now....To me,maybe God kind want to tell me that I don't get what I want in life because I m not working hard enough???Or maybe because He kinda actually trying to tell me that it is just not the right path for me???Who knows???I will not stop looking for the answer...
 There is some one out there that inspire me to write this post.I think maybe this is a sign from God that trying to say that it is not the right time for me to move out of this place....Or maybe I won't???grrrrrr....Confuse right now...
  There is this guy who travel a lot and after few years,I realised he has changed a lot...Others keep on questioning his changes...As for me,he changes to be a be better person...Whether it is right or not,it doesn't matter..Because no one is perfect N we don't have the right to judge others especially when they did or do something that is out of our expectation...Even though we doubt it;the changes that they make,we should never stop supporting them cause we always need each other in life....
  I realised that sometimes the people who we take for granted all this while r the one who actually always there for us no matter what.especially when it comes to family.I mean no matter how much we hate each other for being a hypocrite or so on...
  To the other person who inspire me to write this post.I want u to know that I will pray for u just like I did before.I mean I cried and blame myself for letting u drown n drift away till now.I shouldn't n if only I know this from beginning...If only,I can see this before.If only I can stop this from happening...It will change a lot of things right now...It will make a big change in our world...Just don't stop believing in God n stay strong...God is always there for us,everyone...N I will always be here for u..I just hope that one day,u will get a sign n have a way better life than what u r having now.U deserve it.When I knew that u r getting worse,I cried and kept on crying;nothing else.Just by knowing that,u manged made me cried N I wonder what will happen if u r standing in front of me right now or soon enough....U r stronger than u know.U just don't realised that.U r not idiot like others claim...They don't know who u really r.I m not saying that I know u very well,I m just saying that they r wrong about u.
  Sorry,it took me few weeks to complete this post or should I say a month...I just have so many ideas but have to think twice because this time the situation is different....The main point I m trying to say here is we r just another human being who make mistake the whole time...The difference between us is that whether we learn from it or not or whether we realised it or not...We just don't have the right to judge anyone because we all r not perfect n will never be...

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God??? Is always there for us.....

   Well,firstly I m so sorry because my blog is kinda dull and boring right now..I m still trying up to up grade it from time to time...Besides,I m a new learner and taking my time slowly to learn about all blogging..
   I have so much to write but I m still a bit lazy to do so... It has been days or should I say weeks I m so having insomnia lately...I don't know why.....because the last time I had this is when my examination is around the corner.....I slept around 3,4 o'clock in the morning.....I m so worried.....My heart just doesn't feel calm.....
   I keep on thinking and I feel so lonely although I have such a great family and friend behind me being so supportive....Then,I realised why is it that my heart feel so empty???why is that it isn't calm???I have lost my connection with Him for a few weeks or months or maybe years...I m living right now with all the bless that he keeps on giving yet I m not being grateful to him..I realised that these few years I have did so many sins,so many mistakes..Mountains of it or maybe too many.....
  I always say to myself that I will repent but I never mean it...Maybe sometimes I did,but the repentance did not last long.Yes,I admit it.I m a bad bad person....I m not religious at all..I should ashamed of myself.......Sometimes,I look around,evaluate and observe every single creation of God,I feel so small and realised that he is so powerful and he will always be the only one....I feel so powerless and weak....But why is that this feeling doesn't last long???The feeling when I feel so weak,powerless and nothing compared to God...I always try my best to be a better person than before....I never stop trying but why is that I m still lost and just being another muslim???I really don't get it...
   All these questions pop up in my head lately for millions of time...I still haven't get the right answer or should I say accurate....I guess I have to put up in my mind that I should not give up in looking up for the answers.I will not...yap,will not.When ever I listen to all the songs about God,I feel so touch..How meaningful the songs are especially the one entitled 'ANDAI KU TAHU' by ungu,an indonesian band....Its about death and faith that always in God hand and only if I could know what is going to happen next or the destiny that I m going to face.....Ps:I will upload the song as soon as I know how to do that...
   I hope that I will found peace and  get the sign from God as soon as possible...I have so much problems lately and i don't know how to solve all of it.Lately,everything that is happening in front of my eyes or anything that I heard is kinda give me a sign that I m actually in my own world..lost totally lost in my own world.
When ever I see others doing sins,I feel excited doing it too;depends on what type sin of course....I m jealous with the sinners and the the mukmin at the same time...I do envy the sinners cause they are having their life with full of fun and no worries..While,I m jealous with the mukmin because they have a life that is being blessed by God.A few hours back,I read one of my friends facebook...And she wrote 'everything in this world is just awhile,will not last long.'I stared at those words and thought for few minutes...How much hours,years and decades I have wasted in my life.I m very far away from Him and I didn't realised it till now....I only can say that I m on my way to be better person and more religious...Well,I hope so!!!

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HISTORY WILL ALWAYS REMAIN AS HISTORY...

Hmmm...Hmmm..I kinda don't know how to start....so,where should I start ??? I kinda have so many ideas on what to write about but i kinda don't know how to start....How about an introduction about myself?I am just an average girl who loves but hate my life at the same time....well,i just finished my high school and I am so looking forward to continue my study in LAW....Why law???

1. I really really really want to be a lawyer since I was 13....
2. I have my own personal reasons...
3. It will be easier for me take over my uncle law firm....*muahahahaha*

     I love reading poems...I love the fact that it is used as a medium to express your feelings,thoughts,opinion and experiences..But I hate reading books....I know I have to love them cause it is a must for a lawyer to love reading books...I m trying..=)...That's one of the main reasons why I took Lit. in Eng...I mean I do realize that my english is not as wonderful and great as the others students in the class...But,to me it is never too late.... Well,lately my year end results has came out a few days back....HONESTLY,the result is really sucks....However,I thanked God for the results...Its kinda really out of my expectations...Its all because I had failed in History and Add Maths before(yap!!!!two subjects at the same time...).....But not this time....I still remember the moment I failed my History...I was thinking that LAW will not suite me at the time....I never failed my History but not that time.In fact,I always get A for it.....I have phobia when it comes to History since then...But I did not learn my lesson;not to study last minute....I still study at eleventh hour.....

    Maybe,my results are not as great as my uncles....But I have boosted up,so I am kinda fine with it....HISTORY WILL REMAIN AS HISTORY...... Even though I have disappointed many hopes and expectations;my parents especially,I want they to know that I have tried my best and sorry......Maybe I have not set as a good example for my brothers and the other cousins,I really don't mind about it anymore...It is because I know that I have tried my best and everything happen for a reason.....

   Maybe,you aren't so proud of me right now...But,I will make you proud of me one day some how.....I will make sure those bastards that keep on under estimating myself will be speechless and astonish for doing not knowing me better....They will regret for thinking that way about me...
  Right now,there is no turning back....I really hope that I will be able to be one;A very successful lawyer....Though,I will make sure that I am ready for any possibilities that might come up in achieving my dreams......I always say to myself that "WE CAN ONLY  PLAN OUR FUTURE BUT GOD IS THE ONE WHO WILL DECIDE WEATHER IT WILL HAPPEN OR NOT"........ So,to all of you out there good luck in your life and never-never-never give up.....Don't listen to others......

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