Well,firstly I m so sorry because my blog is kinda dull and boring right now..I m still trying up to up grade it from time to time...Besides,I m a new learner and taking my time slowly to learn about all blogging..
I have so much to write but I m still a bit lazy to do so... It has been days or should I say weeks I m so having insomnia lately...I don't know why.....because the last time I had this is when my examination is around the corner.....I slept around 3,4 o'clock in the morning.....I m so worried.....My heart just doesn't feel calm.....
I keep on thinking and I feel so lonely although I have such a great family and friend behind me being so supportive....Then,I realised why is it that my heart feel so empty???why is that it isn't calm???I have lost my connection with Him for a few weeks or months or maybe years...I m living right now with all the bless that he keeps on giving yet I m not being grateful to him..I realised that these few years I have did so many sins,so many mistakes..Mountains of it or maybe too many.....
I always say to myself that I will repent but I never mean it...Maybe sometimes I did,but the repentance did not last long.Yes,I admit it.I m a bad bad person....I m not religious at all..I should ashamed of myself.......Sometimes,I look around,evaluate and observe every single creation of God,I feel so small and realised that he is so powerful and he will always be the only one....I feel so powerless and weak....But why is that this feeling doesn't last long???The feeling when I feel so weak,powerless and nothing compared to God...I always try my best to be a better person than before....I never stop trying but why is that I m still lost and just being another muslim???I really don't get it...
All these questions pop up in my head lately for millions of time...I still haven't get the right answer or should I say accurate....I guess I have to put up in my mind that I should not give up in looking up for the answers.I will not...yap,will not.When ever I listen to all the songs about God,I feel so touch..How meaningful the songs are especially the one entitled 'ANDAI KU TAHU' by ungu,an indonesian band....Its about death and faith that always in God hand and only if I could know what is going to happen next or the destiny that I m going to face.....Ps:I will upload the song as soon as I know how to do that...
I hope that I will found peace and get the sign from God as soon as possible...I have so much problems lately and i don't know how to solve all of it.Lately,everything that is happening in front of my eyes or anything that I heard is kinda give me a sign that I m actually in my own world..lost totally lost in my own world.
When ever I see others doing sins,I feel excited doing it too;depends on what type sin of course....I m jealous with the sinners and the the mukmin at the same time...I do envy the sinners cause they are having their life with full of fun and no worries..While,I m jealous with the mukmin because they have a life that is being blessed by God.A few hours back,I read one of my friends facebook...And she wrote 'everything in this world is just awhile,will not last long.'I stared at those words and thought for few minutes...How much hours,years and decades I have wasted in my life.I m very far away from Him and I didn't realised it till now....I only can say that I m on my way to be better person and more religious...Well,I hope so!!!
God??? Is always there for us.....
HISTORY WILL ALWAYS REMAIN AS HISTORY...
Hmmm...Hmmm..I kinda don't know how to start....so,where should I start ??? I kinda have so many ideas on what to write about but i kinda don't know how to start....How about an introduction about myself?I am just an average girl who loves but hate my life at the same time....well,i just finished my high school and I am so looking forward to continue my study in LAW....Why law???
- I really really really want to be a lawyer since I was 13....
- I have my own personal reasons...
- It will be easier for me take over my uncle law firm....*muahahahaha*
I love reading poems...I love the fact that it is used as a medium to express your feelings,thoughts,opinion and experiences..But I hate reading books....I know I have to love them cause it is a must for a lawyer to love reading books...I m trying..=)...That's one of the main reasons why I took Lit. in Eng...I mean I do realize that my english is not as wonderful and great as the others students in the class...But,to me it is never too late.... Well,lately my year end results has came out a few days back....HONESTLY,the result is really sucks....However,I thanked God for the results...Its kinda really out of my expectations...Its all because I had failed in History and Add Maths before(yap!!!!two subjects at the same time...).....But not this time....I still remember the moment I failed my History...I was thinking that LAW will not suite me at the time....I never failed my History but not that time.In fact,I always get A for it.....I have phobia when it comes to History since then...But I did not learn my lesson;not to study last minute....I still study at eleventh hour.....
Maybe,my results are not as great as my uncles....But I have boosted up,so I am kinda fine with it....HISTORY WILL REMAIN AS HISTORY...... Even though I have disappointed many hopes and expectations;my parents especially,I want they to know that I have tried my best and sorry......Maybe I have not set as a good example for my brothers and the other cousins,I really don't mind about it anymore...It is because I know that I have tried my best and everything happen for a reason.....
Maybe,you aren't so proud of me right now...But,I will make you proud of me one day some how.....I will make sure those bastards that keep on under estimating myself will be speechless and astonish for doing not knowing me better....They will regret for thinking that way about me...
Right now,there is no turning back....I really hope that I will be able to be one;A very successful lawyer....Though,I will make sure that I am ready for any possibilities that might come up in achieving my dreams......I always say to myself that "WE CAN ONLY PLAN OUR FUTURE BUT GOD IS THE ONE WHO WILL DECIDE WEATHER IT WILL HAPPEN OR NOT"........ So,to all of you out there good luck in your life and never-never-never give up.....Don't listen to others......
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Right now,there is no turning back....I really hope that I will be able to be one;A very successful lawyer....Though,I will make sure that I am ready for any possibilities that might come up in achieving my dreams......I always say to myself that "WE CAN ONLY PLAN OUR FUTURE BUT GOD IS THE ONE WHO WILL DECIDE WEATHER IT WILL HAPPEN OR NOT"........ So,to all of you out there good luck in your life and never-never-never give up.....Don't listen to others......
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