The doubt of choice. I don't know why but in the past few weeks,I have been thinking to change the path that I chose a few months back.I feel like turning back,undo everything and choose the other one instead.I feel like I should have said NO from the beginning.Is it too late now?Well,it is definately better be late than never.I know I should never regret but there is a mix up feeling in my heart.The worst part of all is that I m so damn freaking tired of everything.I m tired of crying over n over again,I m tired of wiping up my tears everytime each of it fell right from these eyes,I m tired lying to myself by telling that 'I can do it.It is just that I have to try harder or maybe I should be more patient,everything gonna be okay soon enough.' I m sick of it,from a to z.I m sick of pretending becoming someone I not.Every day,I play out my 'role' very well. I able to control my tears from dropping,I don't tell others the actual feelings of mine at this particular momment or how misrable my life is right now or even why my world is tearing apart. I always keep my mouth shut although there are times when I feel so down about it.I smile,laugh out loud with others,enjoying every single momment with them but those are only from the out side.Deep down in my heart,there are many stories,nightmares,dreams that I keep.
I am starting to feel doubt about deciding to stay instead of leaving.It is because of the existence of the 'foreign' element that come out from no where and it is actually all of sudden.I know I should stay,being loyal to my choice,being faithful to the path that I chose but this 'foreign' element is the only thing that make me to rethink about my decision.I don't even know why and I am still looking up for the answers.It is not like I didn't set up my mind to really stick to my path from the strat.This 'foreign' element is crawling slowly to enter my life with out me realising it.I mean it does exist in my life before but this time it really has become closer to me;closer and deeper as it should not be. It has reached to a point where I have to rethink back about my previous decision.I am trying to put a bigger boundries between me and 'it'.I m trying my best to run from it but the more I tried,the worse it is.It is weird to think about how drastic it can be.It starts with a little thing that is so normal but it ends up with a bizzare feeling inside.
My confound feelings are hunting me and forcing me to decide soon enough.Now,I m in delimma whether should I just face the 'foreign' element directly or not.I could not decide whether should I split it out or not and I am running out of time.To be worse,I actuall face this 'foreign' element every single day life of mine.I see 'it' right in front of my eyes every day yet I could not decide.I am fear of making the high-risk-upcoming-decision of mine.I know I should not be daunted by such things and must always keep my head up but I am freaking out to decide what's next in this paricular matter.Who wouldn't be?Problems are always my number one enemy that I m fear of but I know I have to face it somehow and if only I can look up for it now.
PS:I think by having too many probelms can lead me to become unsoundmind and the truth is I am already half way there.
The doubt of choice.
So not a crush or falling in love but just another bizarre feeling in me....
Do u know that I m amazed with ur intelligence in everything?Do u know that I still think that u not that hot as everyone claim yet I feel u r so lucky?Do u know that somehow I do envy u in a lot of matters? N most importantly,do u know that I m DYING to be get to know u better?
I do not know how but u do amaze me in a way that I could not understand.I have heard a lot of rumors about u.Nothing to be shock about as u r Mr popular after all.The goods and the bads about u. I don't even know why my hands keep on typing this post about u.I just feel like doing so.Lets not talk about how bad boys u are or how good u are at being fooling around with girls or how expert u are at sweet talk and winning a girl's heart. But,lets talk about how good your English is,how lucky u r to be u,how fortunate u are to for everything in your life.
First and foremost,I love your English.It is superb.No wonder u get Band 5. Everytime , I log in to my blog account,one of the first few blogs that I will be looking forward to is yours, of course. I like your blog is because of your way of writing and the content of your blog's posts. Too bad,sometimes u do set your blog to invited readers only. I do admit I am big fan of your blog and English.No doubt that u are such a sweet talker and kinda a player,u can easily express out your feelings,emotions in various ways.I think if we really are meant to be friends one day,I am going to ask u teach me how to be an expert like u in such things...
U r damn freaking lucky to be u and I hope u know that.Lets not talk about your look because it is kinda universal and beauty lies on the eyes of the beholder. But,look around u and u have everything in life. MONEY,family,friends,girls,the 'brain' and MONEY.U are Mr popular too.Just mention your name to the people of my hometown,they will start talking about u non-stop.U live in a harmony family yet rich too. U attend private university,have a black P****** car,spent a lot of money on such 'wasted' things and u have Macbook;I m dying to have it but still not yet having it.I envy u in this matter too.U will always have what u want,don't u?U are almost perfect and no wonder why girls are attracted to you.Take care of it and do appreciate everything the whole time because one day,u will feel regret for not doing so.
Last but not least,u are not that typical bad boy or notorious boy.U are such a brilliant guy. U don't have to work hard to gain good result.U are just so good at anything u do.I mean despite u being u;doing the typical bad boy's stuffs,u still manage to achieve success in your studies. I envy u in this matter. I hate u for having such intelligent brain.But,what the heck,God is always fair.
I really don't know u well but I do hope I will one day. U are the complicated type of homosapien but unique too.I hope that I will be your friend in fact close friends though I do know that it is a little bit impossible because we rarely meet each other and I don't think that u know my existence.To add to that,I m so not your type who just love socializing and sweet talking and spending money on a lot of luxuries stuffs. I am so incapable of doing it.OK,this sounds lame but I still wanna write this post about u.
I have this kind of bizarre feeling in my self where I m looking forward to know u,to have u in my life. But,not as my Mr right but as my friend or maybe BFF?It is bizarre yet true. I m not falling in love with u or having crush on u it just erm,erm I don't know the right word to describe it but for sure it is not about the love feeling but more towards the friendship feeling.Maybe because I have heard a lot about u and I wonder which is true which is not.This curiosity has lead me to have the feeling of wanting to know u.I am so looking forward to know u better,my-future-friend n don't worry,I m not falling for u.U are taken and I hope u already meet your happily ever after.I think I have found mine and I m not letting it drifts away again this time and the funniest thing is that I know u through him as he is one of your most important persons in your life;I think.
PS:Happy special day to u...U have turn 19 atm and I hope u have great life ahead of u,Mr OOO.....
Breathless
If our love was a fairytale ,I would charge in and rescue you,
On a yacht baby we would sail ,To an island where we’d say I do.
And if we had babies they would look like you ,It’d be so beautiful if that came true
You don’t even know how very special you are .
You leave me breathless,You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless ,I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams ,So beautiful you’re leaving me
Breathless.
And if our love was a story book ,We would meet on the very first page
The last chapter would be about ,How I’m thankful for the life we’ve made .
And if we had babies they would have your eyes ,I would fall deeper watching you give life
You don’t even know how very special you are .
You leave me breathless ,You’re everything good in my life
You leave me breathless ,I still can’t believe that you’re mine
You just walked out of one of my dreams ,So beautiful you’re leaving me
You must have been sent from heaven to earth to change me
You’re like an angel ,The thing that I feel is stronger than love believe me
You’re something special ,I only hope that I’ll one day deserve what you give me
But all I can do is try ,Every day of my life .
You leave me breathless ,You’re everything good in my life ,You leave me breathless ,
I still can’t believe that you’re mine ,You just walked out of one of my dreams
So beautiful you’re leaving me ,Breathless,Breathless.
I don't know why but I am addict to this song,maybe cause it relates to me that much?Every single word of this lyric makes me so touch.It makes me feel empty.I prefer the Snowflaker remix that is in his album.I think I am going to learn this song by hard soon enough,if only n if only I have plenty of time.LOL. I feel like singing this song in front of u right now,maybe in the rain?Right in front of your house n a guitar in my hand?N maybe along with a bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolate as well?At the end of my singing,I will definitely say 'SORRY for my man's voice.=.='''' I m a girl with a man's voice' PFFTTTTT....
PS:I wish I have a great voice.Like DUH!!!
Taking risk,making choices...
Life is all about taking risks.Every risk that we take decides our future.Being too much careful might cause us losing the most precious thing in the world.I have took mine.I took so many risks in the past.There are some that make the high risk pay off,there are some that are not worthy at all.But,everything happens for a reason. It's hard to accept life the way it is but we have to go on with it whether we like it or not. Every unforgettable disappointment that I went through,I make sure that I have a heart full of determination to go on with life and strong willing to move on.Sometimes,I bring along uncountable tears that always accompany me during the harsh time of life.There are some moments where I feel so down with my life,where I almost give up n surrender in this war of life.Then,all of sudden there will be some kind of inspiration that appear from no where n it makes me realize that life actually isn't that bad as we think.The world might judge us for every single action that we do n the truth is no one knows the reason behind it;Well,unless if we tell them.At this particular moment I m taking one of the biggest risks in my life,to do or not do?I always ask myself what's the main point of waiting and sticking to one if it will end unrequited or unexpected?I have my own reasons why I choose to take this risk even though the motive behind it still seem unclear.Others do label me as an idiot?Clueless? or maybe a stubborn yet a fool girl?The thing is they don't know what I m experiencing right now,they seriously don't know how I feel at this moment.I have so much in minds from my studies life to my personal life.They just don't get it,don't they? They should put themselves in my shoes,what will they do? I appreciate every single motivation or support that they give but I hope they just know me better. Yes,till now I do question myself on why I am taking this uncertain risk? Well,I always tell others that life is all about taking risk n making choices.It doesn't matter if it is the right one or not but it is always a big matter if we have put effort to the max on something that we believe on.It's better to try instead of not trying at all.This is what I hold to for the past 18 years and it makes me who I am.I will keep on wondering about the accuracy of my choices as I already choose to stay instead of leaving.I know as time passes by,I will have the answer in my hand.I tell myself ever single day that I will not regret in any of my choices.I m learning to erase the word 'regret' in my dictionary of life.
PS:I am phobia to take a high risk in life but I have learnt in a harsh way that life is all about taking risks.
So,never feel scared to take one!
Letting go.
Farah Ash.
A letter that is only for u...
I saw people doing this;writing letter to future patner and I think it is kinda fun so I give a try on this.
I wanna both of us to go to work together in our
I wanna us to live in a house that at least has mini library in it and a swimming pool.I hate reading but I wanna set a good example for the children,I can always try to be one...I want them to be a book worm while u can use it as your home-office.The swimmnig pool?I m a bad swimmer but it's never too late to learn something new in life.I m going to make sure that the kids going to be good at swimming and playing music instrument as it may help them in a way.We are so going to travel from one place to another.But,once in a blue moon,we are going to have our honey moons where it is going to be only two of us.Did I mention I wanna 3 kids?I have figured out the names..=)
Everyday,we are going to wake up in each other arms,feeling so grateful to God for the bless and thakful for having each other for the rest of the life.There shall be no regret at all even if our marriage is not as beautiful as it supposed to be at that time.Whatever it is,we are going to overcome it together.Everyday,I m going to warm up our love in many ways.I am going to express our love in many languages non-stop.I will always try to be very romantic as much as I can;In fact,I m having so many ideas regarding it now.I m going to learn guitar,boost up my writing poem skills,learn the three powerful words in different languages,read more and more to get tips on how to be romantic.The part of life that u choose to spend it on me will always full of suprise.There will always something new that we are going to try out every day.Just sit back,enjoy the up n down of life with me by ur side,holding ur hand always and know that u will always be in my heart.
LEFT AND RIGHT...
Things change as time passes by with out we realising it.Sometimes,we wonder why is that things happen in a very offensive way?Why is that by the time we realise our mistake,it has been too late to undo it for most of us?Why is that we do not beware of the upcoming problem in the first place?Why is that the decision that we made earlier is turning to be a disaster?
Well,firstly problems are just so meant to be in our life.With out it,our lifes will be so dull,unattaractive and not so advanterous after all.Some how,we do need it.Due to it,we will become stronger,more mature and more careful when it comes to every single matter in our lifes.For some,they can change to be some one new.Whether one self changes to be a better person or worse is depending on the way they look at it,the way they look at thier problems and the way they solve it.In the blink of an eye,we can turn to be some one who we do not even know.
The momment it comes up in life,we will be start cursing it but then,by the time we manage to overcome it,we will be smiling to ourselves.We will be proud of ourselves,we will feel so refersh.What a relief!!!Label it all u want;problems,obsatcles,the headaches,the mystery,the questions and the puzzles in our lifes.We will never ever able to run from it.Just try to run from it once,u will realise that u will have to face it in the end.It does take time;for some,it might take a long time but patient is one of the ways to get out of it.In fact,it is the only way for certain cases.Yes,we do feel so sick about it sometimes but once again it is just meant to 'lighten' up life.Never surrender,give up and lose hopes in life easily.Taking all the time we need is also the key to get rid of it.
Life is a cycle.We can be at the top ,we can be at the bottom in just few seconds.Sure thing that it is very easy to be said,very hard to be done and no one knows the exact feeling,the suffering and the experience of one self because not every one has the same problem;Maybe in the same topic but not in the same situations.Everyone is fated to have their own problem.Each of us envy each other when it comes to certain matter,we will never be grateful;that is just human being.It is always greener on the other side isn't it?So,when u look at one person whom u envy much,whom u salute,whom u feel as if it is better to be her or him,think again.Everyone has their own weakness and strength and God is always testing our faith in a lot of different ways.Never look at a thing from a single angle only instead look at it from many.I end up my post this time with poem entitled 'Left and Right'.This is actually the poem that I had put up in my power point project,the one that I wanted to put up over here but did not manage to do so..=)
Tell me is it a crime to be a faithful lover?Is it illegal at any place?Well,if it is then there will be no more 'Romeo' and 'Juliet' in the world.Why is that there are two type of lovers?the one who always put their hopes on that particular person ONLY and the one who is so not loyal,the one who thinks that being loyal to the one person is a part of embarrassing things to do,the one who thinks that the other type is an idiot for being a faithful lover.Honestly,is it a mistake to be one?Oh,come on.Love is blind,universal,complicated and unpredicrable.
U can have it all of sudden and u can loose it in the blink of an eye.When u have it,u feel as if u are such a lucky person to have it,u just keep on smiling when it comes to Mr/Mrs Right Now,everything about him/her is just so perfect and when u look yourself in the mirror,u feel as if it is a dream.Perhaps the sweetest dream of yours?Then,u just can loose it the next time u look at it.Your world is tearing apart,your heart is shattering,tears non-stop,sadness,depress,disapointment are just everywhere.It is so mystery when it comes love.It is the sweetest dream yet the worst nightmare for one.
I am sick waiting for the person pateinetly.I don't put the blame on anyone else for this.It is my fault for being a faithful lover after all.No offence,but if u think deeply,would u want a patner who is a palyer?who text other persons when they with u?who ignore u when u call them just to show how much u care about them?I believe what goes around come around.What u did in the past may affect your future.Always treat the one who is always around u nicely.Never ever take them for granted..It is just the matter of time now.
MAD & SICK.
A few seconds,hours,days,weeks and a month back,I was so pissed with myself .Not just that,I am totally damaged by my own self, my own actions, my own choice.Things that I souldn't be done or even think about it,my unwanted nightmare,my painful history are now my best friends.REPEAT:My worst enemy ever is now my best freind.
I cried non-stop,thinking about the mistakes,the regret,the 'heart-attack',the uncounatble tears,the unsolved puzzle,the unanswered questions when this particular part of my life RETURNS.Honestly,I really don't know the mistakes that I shouldn't be done in this path.I mean I can see it but it is unclear,uncertain.I am still confuse and looking for the missing piece.No one how much have I suffer because of this mistake except for Him.I m half mad,insane,depressed and stress at the moment.
Everyday,I put up my fake smile,the have-to-laugh face,act as if everything is fine but the truth?I m dying inside alone,crying painfully and hoping for the impossibles.I don't even know to whom I should share my feeling,my tears,my madness.So,I decided to see a psychiatrist soon enough.Yes,I m officially SICK.
PS:I m thinking about leraning guitar.Why?I want to be a romantic person and maybe turn up my poems to songs.
My own...All copy rights reserved..=)))
I WILL WAIT FOR YOU....
Random & shortest post so far...
I am so thakful I m still alive right now,still inhaling the oxygen,still have the abilities to know what is right or wrong,still on the right track;I hope so.I m so thakful that u walked unto my life before though I feel a little bit regret about it.Why?It is because u walked into mine,gave me hope,gave the lesson of my life...Now,I truly believe that there is no one else in this world who is so kind,faithful and sincere like u.. I feel like as if I m the stupidest girl for letting u go.I was a fool to let u go.But I am just another human being and can only proposes as God disposes. Believe me,ur girl is a very lucky one to have u.I am so jealous yet happy for u.I m jealous to see ur pics with her,to see the happiness between both of u...But then again,I m still happy for u.Loving some one doesn't mean u have to make sure that the one has to be yours always,sometimes it means u have to let the one's hands go so that the one will have the chance to look for a happy ending in his life instead of just having him by your side the whole time yet he feels suffer.Love needs a lot of sacrifices and it is so not about whether the sacrifices that being made are worth or not.It is about the joyness that u see in ur love one once he is no more yours.Though it is hurt to know that ur love one have moved on with out u in his life,u still have to be happy for him no matter how hard it is.I really can see the happiness clearly in your eyes,I can see clearly that u have a very happy life with out me,I can see clearly that I totally have lost you...
I have to admit that it is one of the toughest moments in my life to look for ur replacer,the new boy,my one n only. Honestly,I feel so hurt right now. There are so many things in my mind right now and every single of it is making me crazy..I try my best to move on but why is it that it is so damn freaking hard for me to do so.U can do it easily but why can't I??? Is it God's punishement towards me for being a bad person,evil through out my whole life??Am i really such a bitch till God gave the thoughest challenge in my life???I m writing this at 3,4 o'clock in the morning instead of studying;my final is actually next week and I haven't prepare myself at all..DAMN!!! I just really have to express my emotions right now...I don't have the ability to control it anymore.My tears keep on rolling from these eyes since the first word that I typed in this post.It is just unstopable.
All the sweet songs keep on playing in my head and they remind me of us.I want to hate u with all my heart but I failed to do so...=( I m just hurt so much right now,I really need a cure..I don't want to keep on being hurt because it is sooo,sooo sooo painful.I don't even know wheteher I can take it anymore..God,Please give me the strength to move on with this pathethic life of mine.No matter what,I want to die as a mukmin and not just another muslim...For now,I just don't get it and hopefully I will one day. I m so mad at myself,hating my self right now for everything.I mean everything..Because all of these wouldn't happen if only I decided not to do certain things back then.This is the most random post so far..VERY RANDOM and shortest too...
Just started.........
A new phrase in my life has just started...I m happy but still a bit confuse with it.I m so glad because I am given this great opportunity to finally do something that I love,to do something that is set on my mind a long time ago and to decide my own future instead of letting others to decide it...I m confuse right now because I am still doubt about it;whether this path is the right path for me,whether I will regret it or will satisfy with it in the future.I m taking the one of the biggest risk of my life...
The worst part of this choice is that I have lost my inspiration..The one who used to inspire me to be a lawyer.I m trying my best to full fill 'our' dream over here but u are just fooling around over there.As if,I m walking along this path with no signs,no light or no one that could lead me to keep on moving..Right now,I just have to go with the flow and hoping that some one,some day will come to the rescue.I will just try my best to keep holding on to this dream of mine.I m so lost with out my inspiration.I m just scared that this risk will be the biggest mistake ever in my life;besides not having u in my life anymore...However,I have to go on with my life with or with out u.
I m starting to like everything over here except for the weather.It is extremely hot over here due to the the pollution of course..My class schedule is just fine.I love the fact that I m actually exploring the outside world by myself now...I have to look for myself now,no one to guide me or to protect me...Its all up to me now...I m learning how to become a very independent girl now...Why I love it???There is no specific reason..just love my life right now though there are still some things that I m not satisfied with it...
Sorry because I haven't post anything on my blog for a very long time,I was too busy with my life back then...PFTTT.....I m just so confused right now....I m taking about my feeling....I have just opened the door of my heart to him but why is it that I still feel uneasy,unsatisfied,unhappy with it...This door of my heart has not been entered by anyone for ages now except for him of course...N I have decided to move on now,no more waiting for u;hoping that u will come back through my door,hoping for phone calls from u everyday,hoping to meet u again n do all the stuffs that we used to do...Because I m so tired of hoping n waiting for something that is so UNCERTAIN...Please don't ever giving up in our relationship,don't break my heart just like what he did to me n please don't ever hurt me.It is so painful....=( I do put millions of hope in our relationship but not too much because the truth is I m still scared that I will have to get through the very horrible part life of mine AGAIN....I don't want it,never ever.YES,I STILL HAVING PHOBIA when it comes to a relationship but it doesn't mean I have gave up in looking for my prince charm...My life regarding us has just started and I promise to u that U will never regret this because I will make u feel damn happy that will be endless...And it is all the matter of time so wait patiently....
Back to my studies;My assingments are many,I m telling u the truth..hahahaha..I have done most of my assignments but I haven't start a single thing on my revision yet..YES,YES,YES,,I M SUCH A LAZY ASS....I prefer doing assignments than doing revision and I don't know why but it is just me...hahaha..So I wanted to share an assignmnet of mine but then,when I tried to put it up,I failed..technology and I will never be best friends...LOL....Luckily,I have computer class so that I won't be this dumb anymore...
So yah,have a nice day and enjoy every single moment of life....N sorry for this lame short post.I just felt like updating my blog as soon as possible since it has been a long time I haven't post anything and my blog looks so dull..And I feel like sharing my new phrase of life,a new chapter....I will upgrade my blog in a week;my one week holiday will start in a week....And I guarantee that the next few posts will be very emotional...haha..
Sorry,I ain't good enough for u.
After years have passed,I never thought that I will been through this again...When I heard the quote 'Time heals all wounds',the first thing that come across in my mind is actually,"PFFTTT..What a lie.."But things have changed.I didn't notice it till now.My 'wounds' slowly heals by itself.Now,what's left???A scar.I m just scared right now;if the risk I m taking now would also leave another scar soon.
I m scared,happy,sad and bad at the same time.All these feelings are mixing up together.I m happy to know that I have u by my side.As if I m dreaming right now.Actually,I m astonish too..I mean u????hahahaha..It is funny actually when I think back about our first met n stuffs....Who knows we will end up like this right?
I m feeling so lucky now but I feel bad too...Some how I think and feel that I don't deserve u..I feel like u should fall for another not me..I mean it is kinda make u unlucky to have me..I m just another hideous ugly idiot creature..I think that I m not good enough for u in everything...I just don't know why...After having the phobia for years,u came in my life...Along with a new hope and beginning...I thank God for it but still I think I m not good enough for u.I never felt something like this before.I know that u have been telling me for million times to stop thinking that way.But I just can't.I m so sorry..
I m so sorry because I ain't good enough for u.I m also thanking u for being such an understanding person.I m thanking u too for waiting.U r such a good listener...I never tell anyone about my past except to my closest friend.So far,u r the only one who knows my dark past with details.I usually don't trust anyone easily but when it comes to u,there is always an exception.I really hope that u r the right one for me though I m not perfect enough for u...I m so sorry because I m not good enough for u in every aspects... *sighs...
How could a person like u like me????have a crush on me???? I m hating myself right now...If u find some one better outside there,I wont be shocked or mad.Believe me.I will pray for your happiness always.I m not being emotional like u claim..I m just telling u how I feel right now...LOL.
The truth is I m just another typical girl who wants happy ending so badly.But life isn't a fairytale.Whatever happens after this,I will accept it with an open heart no matter how tough it is.Right now,I have to get my head into studies.How about u?Time will decide everything.Time will decide where will we be or who will we be with with the help of our effort of course just a little faith and luck.Make sure u achieve your dream whether with me by your side as a friend,or more or just another stranger in your life..
Changes as time passes by..........
People can change as time passes by...It is really up to an individual to admit it or not...Some of us change to be a better person and some to be worse....When I was a bit younger,I always told myself that I will be going to overseas for working or to continue my study...But,I guess not anymore.I mean I still want to do it but not as much as I wanted before...
WHY???Let just say I learnt it from the surroundings....When I knew I blew up my chance,I felt so misrable..I felt like my world is going to END.....Then,I realised that we can't always get everything that we want in our life....It doesn't mean that I have to give up for now....To me,maybe God kind want to tell me that I don't get what I want in life because I m not working hard enough???Or maybe because He kinda actually trying to tell me that it is just not the right path for me???Who knows???I will not stop looking for the answer...
There is some one out there that inspire me to write this post.I think maybe this is a sign from God that trying to say that it is not the right time for me to move out of this place....Or maybe I won't???grrrrrr....Confuse right now...
There is this guy who travel a lot and after few years,I realised he has changed a lot...Others keep on questioning his changes...As for me,he changes to be a be better person...Whether it is right or not,it doesn't matter..Because no one is perfect N we don't have the right to judge others especially when they did or do something that is out of our expectation...Even though we doubt it;the changes that they make,we should never stop supporting them cause we always need each other in life....
I realised that sometimes the people who we take for granted all this while r the one who actually always there for us no matter what.especially when it comes to family.I mean no matter how much we hate each other for being a hypocrite or so on...
To the other person who inspire me to write this post.I want u to know that I will pray for u just like I did before.I mean I cried and blame myself for letting u drown n drift away till now.I shouldn't n if only I know this from beginning...If only,I can see this before.If only I can stop this from happening...It will change a lot of things right now...It will make a big change in our world...Just don't stop believing in God n stay strong...God is always there for us,everyone...N I will always be here for u..I just hope that one day,u will get a sign n have a way better life than what u r having now.U deserve it.When I knew that u r getting worse,I cried and kept on crying;nothing else.Just by knowing that,u manged made me cried N I wonder what will happen if u r standing in front of me right now or soon enough....U r stronger than u know.U just don't realised that.U r not idiot like others claim...They don't know who u really r.I m not saying that I know u very well,I m just saying that they r wrong about u.
Sorry,it took me few weeks to complete this post or should I say a month...I just have so many ideas but have to think twice because this time the situation is different....The main point I m trying to say here is we r just another human being who make mistake the whole time...The difference between us is that whether we learn from it or not or whether we realised it or not...We just don't have the right to judge anyone because we all r not perfect n will never be...
God??? Is always there for us.....
Well,firstly I m so sorry because my blog is kinda dull and boring right now..I m still trying up to up grade it from time to time...Besides,I m a new learner and taking my time slowly to learn about all blogging..
I have so much to write but I m still a bit lazy to do so... It has been days or should I say weeks I m so having insomnia lately...I don't know why.....because the last time I had this is when my examination is around the corner.....I slept around 3,4 o'clock in the morning.....I m so worried.....My heart just doesn't feel calm.....
I keep on thinking and I feel so lonely although I have such a great family and friend behind me being so supportive....Then,I realised why is it that my heart feel so empty???why is that it isn't calm???I have lost my connection with Him for a few weeks or months or maybe years...I m living right now with all the bless that he keeps on giving yet I m not being grateful to him..I realised that these few years I have did so many sins,so many mistakes..Mountains of it or maybe too many.....
I always say to myself that I will repent but I never mean it...Maybe sometimes I did,but the repentance did not last long.Yes,I admit it.I m a bad bad person....I m not religious at all..I should ashamed of myself.......Sometimes,I look around,evaluate and observe every single creation of God,I feel so small and realised that he is so powerful and he will always be the only one....I feel so powerless and weak....But why is that this feeling doesn't last long???The feeling when I feel so weak,powerless and nothing compared to God...I always try my best to be a better person than before....I never stop trying but why is that I m still lost and just being another muslim???I really don't get it...
All these questions pop up in my head lately for millions of time...I still haven't get the right answer or should I say accurate....I guess I have to put up in my mind that I should not give up in looking up for the answers.I will not...yap,will not.When ever I listen to all the songs about God,I feel so touch..How meaningful the songs are especially the one entitled 'ANDAI KU TAHU' by ungu,an indonesian band....Its about death and faith that always in God hand and only if I could know what is going to happen next or the destiny that I m going to face.....Ps:I will upload the song as soon as I know how to do that...
I hope that I will found peace and get the sign from God as soon as possible...I have so much problems lately and i don't know how to solve all of it.Lately,everything that is happening in front of my eyes or anything that I heard is kinda give me a sign that I m actually in my own world..lost totally lost in my own world.
When ever I see others doing sins,I feel excited doing it too;depends on what type sin of course....I m jealous with the sinners and the the mukmin at the same time...I do envy the sinners cause they are having their life with full of fun and no worries..While,I m jealous with the mukmin because they have a life that is being blessed by God.A few hours back,I read one of my friends facebook...And she wrote 'everything in this world is just awhile,will not last long.'I stared at those words and thought for few minutes...How much hours,years and decades I have wasted in my life.I m very far away from Him and I didn't realised it till now....I only can say that I m on my way to be better person and more religious...Well,I hope so!!!
HISTORY WILL ALWAYS REMAIN AS HISTORY...
- I really really really want to be a lawyer since I was 13....
- I have my own personal reasons...
- It will be easier for me take over my uncle law firm....*muahahahaha*
I love reading poems...I love the fact that it is used as a medium to express your feelings,thoughts,opinion and experiences..But I hate reading books....I know I have to love them cause it is a must for a lawyer to love reading books...I m trying..=)...That's one of the main reasons why I took Lit. in Eng...I mean I do realize that my english is not as wonderful and great as the others students in the class...But,to me it is never too late.... Well,lately my year end results has came out a few days back....HONESTLY,the result is really sucks....However,I thanked God for the results...Its kinda really out of my expectations...Its all because I had failed in History and Add Maths before(yap!!!!two subjects at the same time...).....But not this time....I still remember the moment I failed my History...I was thinking that LAW will not suite me at the time....I never failed my History but not that time.In fact,I always get A for it.....I have phobia when it comes to History since then...But I did not learn my lesson;not to study last minute....I still study at eleventh hour.....
Right now,there is no turning back....I really hope that I will be able to be one;A very successful lawyer....Though,I will make sure that I am ready for any possibilities that might come up in achieving my dreams......I always say to myself that "WE CAN ONLY PLAN OUR FUTURE BUT GOD IS THE ONE WHO WILL DECIDE WEATHER IT WILL HAPPEN OR NOT"........ So,to all of you out there good luck in your life and never-never-never give up.....Don't listen to others......