Just started......... A new phrase in my life has just started...I m happy but still a bit confuse with it.I m so glad because I am given this great opportunity to finally do something that I love,to do something that is set on my mind a long time ago and to decide my own future instead of letting others to decide it...I m confuse right now because I am still doubt about it;whether this path is the right path for me,whether I will regret it or will satisfy with it in the future.I m taking the one of the biggest risk of my life...
The worst part of this choice is that I have lost my inspiration..The one who used to inspire me to be a lawyer.I m trying my best to full fill 'our' dream over here but u are just fooling around over there.As if,I m walking along this path with no signs,no light or no one that could lead me to keep on moving..Right now,I just have to go with the flow and hoping that some one,some day will come to the rescue.I will just try my best to keep holding on to this dream of mine.I m so lost with out my inspiration.I m just scared that this risk will be the biggest mistake ever in my life;besides not having u in my life anymore...However,I have to go on with my life with or with out u.
I m starting to like everything over here except for the weather.It is extremely hot over here due to the the pollution of course..My class schedule is just fine.I love the fact that I m actually exploring the outside world by myself now...I have to look for myself now,no one to guide me or to protect me...Its all up to me now...I m learning how to become a very independent girl now...Why I love it???There is no specific reason..just love my life right now though there are still some things that I m not satisfied with it...
Sorry because I haven't post anything on my blog for a very long time,I was too busy with my life back then...PFTTT.....I m just so confused right now....I m taking about my feeling....I have just opened the door of my heart to him but why is it that I still feel uneasy,unsatisfied,unhappy with it...This door of my heart has not been entered by anyone for ages now except for him of course...N I have decided to move on now,no more waiting for u;hoping that u will come back through my door,hoping for phone calls from u everyday,hoping to meet u again n do all the stuffs that we used to do...Because I m so tired of hoping n waiting for something that is so UNCERTAIN...Please don't ever giving up in our relationship,don't break my heart just like what he did to me n please don't ever hurt me.It is so painful....=( I do put millions of hope in our relationship but not too much because the truth is I m still scared that I will have to get through the very horrible part life of mine AGAIN....I don't want it,never ever.YES,I STILL HAVING PHOBIA when it comes to a relationship but it doesn't mean I have gave up in looking for my prince charm...My life regarding us has just started and I promise to u that U will never regret this because I will make u feel damn happy that will be endless...And it is all the matter of time so wait patiently....
Back to my studies;My assingments are many,I m telling u the truth..hahahaha..I have done most of my assignments but I haven't start a single thing on my revision yet..YES,YES,YES,,I M SUCH A LAZY ASS....I prefer doing assignments than doing revision and I don't know why but it is just me...hahaha..So I wanted to share an assignmnet of mine but then,when I tried to put it up,I failed..technology and I will never be best friends...LOL....Luckily,I have computer class so that I won't be this dumb anymore...
So yah,have a nice day and enjoy every single moment of life....N sorry for this lame short post.I just felt like updating my blog as soon as possible since it has been a long time I haven't post anything and my blog looks so dull..And I feel like sharing my new phrase of life,a new chapter....I will upgrade my blog in a week;my one week holiday will start in a week....And I guarantee that the next few posts will be very emotional...haha..
Just started.........
Sorry,I ain't good enough for u.
After years have passed,I never thought that I will been through this again...When I heard the quote 'Time heals all wounds',the first thing that come across in my mind is actually,"PFFTTT..What a lie.."But things have changed.I didn't notice it till now.My 'wounds' slowly heals by itself.Now,what's left???A scar.I m just scared right now;if the risk I m taking now would also leave another scar soon.
I m scared,happy,sad and bad at the same time.All these feelings are mixing up together.I m happy to know that I have u by my side.As if I m dreaming right now.Actually,I m astonish too..I mean u????hahahaha..It is funny actually when I think back about our first met n stuffs....Who knows we will end up like this right?
I m feeling so lucky now but I feel bad too...Some how I think and feel that I don't deserve u..I feel like u should fall for another not me..I mean it is kinda make u unlucky to have me..I m just another hideous ugly idiot creature..I think that I m not good enough for u in everything...I just don't know why...After having the phobia for years,u came in my life...Along with a new hope and beginning...I thank God for it but still I think I m not good enough for u.I never felt something like this before.I know that u have been telling me for million times to stop thinking that way.But I just can't.I m so sorry..
I m so sorry because I ain't good enough for u.I m also thanking u for being such an understanding person.I m thanking u too for waiting.U r such a good listener...I never tell anyone about my past except to my closest friend.So far,u r the only one who knows my dark past with details.I usually don't trust anyone easily but when it comes to u,there is always an exception.I really hope that u r the right one for me though I m not perfect enough for u...I m so sorry because I m not good enough for u in every aspects... *sighs...
How could a person like u like me????have a crush on me???? I m hating myself right now...If u find some one better outside there,I wont be shocked or mad.Believe me.I will pray for your happiness always.I m not being emotional like u claim..I m just telling u how I feel right now...LOL.
The truth is I m just another typical girl who wants happy ending so badly.But life isn't a fairytale.Whatever happens after this,I will accept it with an open heart no matter how tough it is.Right now,I have to get my head into studies.How about u?Time will decide everything.Time will decide where will we be or who will we be with with the help of our effort of course just a little faith and luck.Make sure u achieve your dream whether with me by your side as a friend,or more or just another stranger in your life..
Changes as time passes by..........
People can change as time passes by...It is really up to an individual to admit it or not...Some of us change to be a better person and some to be worse....When I was a bit younger,I always told myself that I will be going to overseas for working or to continue my study...But,I guess not anymore.I mean I still want to do it but not as much as I wanted before...
WHY???Let just say I learnt it from the surroundings....When I knew I blew up my chance,I felt so misrable..I felt like my world is going to END.....Then,I realised that we can't always get everything that we want in our life....It doesn't mean that I have to give up for now....To me,maybe God kind want to tell me that I don't get what I want in life because I m not working hard enough???Or maybe because He kinda actually trying to tell me that it is just not the right path for me???Who knows???I will not stop looking for the answer...
There is some one out there that inspire me to write this post.I think maybe this is a sign from God that trying to say that it is not the right time for me to move out of this place....Or maybe I won't???grrrrrr....Confuse right now...
There is this guy who travel a lot and after few years,I realised he has changed a lot...Others keep on questioning his changes...As for me,he changes to be a be better person...Whether it is right or not,it doesn't matter..Because no one is perfect N we don't have the right to judge others especially when they did or do something that is out of our expectation...Even though we doubt it;the changes that they make,we should never stop supporting them cause we always need each other in life....
I realised that sometimes the people who we take for granted all this while r the one who actually always there for us no matter what.especially when it comes to family.I mean no matter how much we hate each other for being a hypocrite or so on...
To the other person who inspire me to write this post.I want u to know that I will pray for u just like I did before.I mean I cried and blame myself for letting u drown n drift away till now.I shouldn't n if only I know this from beginning...If only,I can see this before.If only I can stop this from happening...It will change a lot of things right now...It will make a big change in our world...Just don't stop believing in God n stay strong...God is always there for us,everyone...N I will always be here for u..I just hope that one day,u will get a sign n have a way better life than what u r having now.U deserve it.When I knew that u r getting worse,I cried and kept on crying;nothing else.Just by knowing that,u manged made me cried N I wonder what will happen if u r standing in front of me right now or soon enough....U r stronger than u know.U just don't realised that.U r not idiot like others claim...They don't know who u really r.I m not saying that I know u very well,I m just saying that they r wrong about u.
Sorry,it took me few weeks to complete this post or should I say a month...I just have so many ideas but have to think twice because this time the situation is different....The main point I m trying to say here is we r just another human being who make mistake the whole time...The difference between us is that whether we learn from it or not or whether we realised it or not...We just don't have the right to judge anyone because we all r not perfect n will never be...
God??? Is always there for us.....
Well,firstly I m so sorry because my blog is kinda dull and boring right now..I m still trying up to up grade it from time to time...Besides,I m a new learner and taking my time slowly to learn about all blogging..
I have so much to write but I m still a bit lazy to do so... It has been days or should I say weeks I m so having insomnia lately...I don't know why.....because the last time I had this is when my examination is around the corner.....I slept around 3,4 o'clock in the morning.....I m so worried.....My heart just doesn't feel calm.....
I keep on thinking and I feel so lonely although I have such a great family and friend behind me being so supportive....Then,I realised why is it that my heart feel so empty???why is that it isn't calm???I have lost my connection with Him for a few weeks or months or maybe years...I m living right now with all the bless that he keeps on giving yet I m not being grateful to him..I realised that these few years I have did so many sins,so many mistakes..Mountains of it or maybe too many.....
I always say to myself that I will repent but I never mean it...Maybe sometimes I did,but the repentance did not last long.Yes,I admit it.I m a bad bad person....I m not religious at all..I should ashamed of myself.......Sometimes,I look around,evaluate and observe every single creation of God,I feel so small and realised that he is so powerful and he will always be the only one....I feel so powerless and weak....But why is that this feeling doesn't last long???The feeling when I feel so weak,powerless and nothing compared to God...I always try my best to be a better person than before....I never stop trying but why is that I m still lost and just being another muslim???I really don't get it...
All these questions pop up in my head lately for millions of time...I still haven't get the right answer or should I say accurate....I guess I have to put up in my mind that I should not give up in looking up for the answers.I will not...yap,will not.When ever I listen to all the songs about God,I feel so touch..How meaningful the songs are especially the one entitled 'ANDAI KU TAHU' by ungu,an indonesian band....Its about death and faith that always in God hand and only if I could know what is going to happen next or the destiny that I m going to face.....Ps:I will upload the song as soon as I know how to do that...
I hope that I will found peace and get the sign from God as soon as possible...I have so much problems lately and i don't know how to solve all of it.Lately,everything that is happening in front of my eyes or anything that I heard is kinda give me a sign that I m actually in my own world..lost totally lost in my own world.
When ever I see others doing sins,I feel excited doing it too;depends on what type sin of course....I m jealous with the sinners and the the mukmin at the same time...I do envy the sinners cause they are having their life with full of fun and no worries..While,I m jealous with the mukmin because they have a life that is being blessed by God.A few hours back,I read one of my friends facebook...And she wrote 'everything in this world is just awhile,will not last long.'I stared at those words and thought for few minutes...How much hours,years and decades I have wasted in my life.I m very far away from Him and I didn't realised it till now....I only can say that I m on my way to be better person and more religious...Well,I hope so!!!
HISTORY WILL ALWAYS REMAIN AS HISTORY...
- I really really really want to be a lawyer since I was 13....
- I have my own personal reasons...
- It will be easier for me take over my uncle law firm....*muahahahaha*
I love reading poems...I love the fact that it is used as a medium to express your feelings,thoughts,opinion and experiences..But I hate reading books....I know I have to love them cause it is a must for a lawyer to love reading books...I m trying..=)...That's one of the main reasons why I took Lit. in Eng...I mean I do realize that my english is not as wonderful and great as the others students in the class...But,to me it is never too late.... Well,lately my year end results has came out a few days back....HONESTLY,the result is really sucks....However,I thanked God for the results...Its kinda really out of my expectations...Its all because I had failed in History and Add Maths before(yap!!!!two subjects at the same time...).....But not this time....I still remember the moment I failed my History...I was thinking that LAW will not suite me at the time....I never failed my History but not that time.In fact,I always get A for it.....I have phobia when it comes to History since then...But I did not learn my lesson;not to study last minute....I still study at eleventh hour.....
Right now,there is no turning back....I really hope that I will be able to be one;A very successful lawyer....Though,I will make sure that I am ready for any possibilities that might come up in achieving my dreams......I always say to myself that "WE CAN ONLY PLAN OUR FUTURE BUT GOD IS THE ONE WHO WILL DECIDE WEATHER IT WILL HAPPEN OR NOT"........ So,to all of you out there good luck in your life and never-never-never give up.....Don't listen to others......